People-pleasing and the avoidance of being perceived as “selfish” can be destructive to self-esteem. And guess what? There’s still a pandemic happening all around us. We can’t afford to be people-pleasers anymore.
In many ways, society sends us double messages when it comes to taking care of ourselves. On one hand we are taught to look out for self, to take care of ourselves, to tend to our needs. We are taught to make ourselves as important as we make others; to go after what we want, and to fight for what we want.
Yet, if we fight too hard for ourselves, we are seen as selfish. Being branded the BIG “S” word is a fate worse than death, especially for women. Therefore, we view “selfish” as a bad word, and sometimes we’ll do anything to not be perceived in that way.
This is a truism for both men and women, although it appears more aptly applied to women. Women, as a group, are trained to be available to everyone except themselves.They make themselves available to their spouses, their children, their parents, their friends, their in-laws, the neighbor dog, but rarely to themselves. Women will go out of their way not to be perceived as selfish and often become sick, overweight, angry, resentful, and addicted in the process.
The price we pay to be a people-pleaser is high, and chips away at our self-respect. At what point do we learn that charity begins at home? Self-esteem comes from having the courage to make tough choices, even if they’re unpopular. Continual people-pleasing can become destructive to your health! The best thing that you can do for others it to take care of yourself. You certainly cannot give something that you do not have.
Francine D. Ward
Attorney-At-Law, Author, Speaker
Don’t miss Francine’s Latest Blogs:
- Thought You’d Like To See This: Health Savings Accounts (HSA)Health Savings Accounts (HSA): Many of my clients struggle with the high cost of health insurance coverage, particularly those who are still working full time. Comprehensive health insurance, whether purchased individually or […]
- 10 Types of Trusts: A Quick LookConsidering the myriad of trusts available, creating the right estate plan can seem daunting. However, that is what we, as estate planning attorneys, do every day. We know the laws and […]
- Thought You’d Like To See This: The End of 2020 Is Near2020: I do my best to meet with clients regularly. While I enjoy their company there is usually a professional agenda behind getting together. Often things have changed—either for the client or […]
- Wills vs. Trusts: A Quick & Simple Reference GuideWills vs. Trusts: Confused about the differences between a will and a trust? If so, you arenot alone. While it is always wise to contact experts like us, it is also […]
- Wills vs. Trusts: In Plain EnglishEveryone has heard of wills and trusts. Most articles written on these topics, however, often presume that everyone knows the basics of these important documents. But, in reality, many of […]