Love. Anger. Fear.
Do you know what gets in the way of Love? Baggage. Ninety-nine percent of the time, it’s old emotional baggage, which began as fear, and morphed into anger. We’ve all been there, allowing a simple issue, with another person, to go unresolved and escalate into a war. Oftentimes it results in family, friends, or colleagues being estranged for years. And regardless of what you may think, a fractured relationship does affect you and your self-esteem.
Unresolved Conflicts. Personal Accountability.
I remember quite vividly that it took many years for me to resolve a conflict with someone, who had been my childhood best friend. I was invested in holding on to a deeply rooted grudge, which lasted until about 10 years ago. Throughout the years, I tried to make it all about her. I made sure everyone, who listened to my rant knew that she had done me wrong. I was often heard to say, “Had she not done [this and that] I would not feel like I do.” You know what I’m talking about, that victim mantra, “it’s your fault why I feel that way,” or “it’s your fault why I behaved that way.”
Once I started working on myself and focused on personal growth, it became impossible for me to point a finger at her (or anyone) without noticing that there were three fingers pointing back at me. That is what happens when you do the work, you are no longer a victim. Personal accountability will do that to you.
What I discovered along the way was that it was fear, not anger that created the block between us. Fear manifested itself as anger and I carried that emotional baggage around for a long time, until one day it just got too heavy.
We all have our own opinion as to how to deal with anger and fear. For me the answer is simple, face these demons head on. The first thing for me is to acknowledge my feelings. Nothing positive ever comes from denial. Then I must be willing to see the part I played in the demise of the relationship. Contrary to popular belief, we almost always have a part. Owning it is the next step in getting past it. Finally, I must be willing to move through the pain to the solution. I always have a choice. If I want to stay stuck, I will.
What about you, have you ever been mad at someone and allowed that anger to last for years? Why? Did you get through it, and if so how? Join my conversation at Attorney Francine Ward; Esteemable Acts Twitter Page, Esteemable Acts Facebook Page, Google+, LInkedIn