The other day I was watching the season premiere of Necessary Roughness, and the star football player—who has a drug and alcohol problem and a bad attitude—walked off the football field when he didn’t like something the new coach had to say. He also was ready to walk out of a therapy session when he didn’t like what the new therapist had to say. He is a spoiled brat with a really bad attitude and made me think of how often I stormed out of a room, when I didn’t like something someone had to say—especially if it was about my behavior.
How often have you found yourself in a position when things seemed hard or too difficult or just simply not to your liking, did you threw your hands up and storm out of the room taking your toys with you? Very few people like feedback. Often you will hear some say, “How dare you speak to me that way,” or “you have no right to tell me that,” or “are you calling me a liar,” or “who are you to judge me,” or “are you calling me a bad mother” and the list goes on and on.
I have never liked feedback—constructive or otherwise, unless you are telling me how great I am or how proud you are of me, I instinctively think you are judging me. God forbid you offer me your opinion of who I am or how I should behave. If you do, I just might never talk to you again. That is how I lived my life and carried that behavior way into adulthood. And even today, there are times when I am more like a child than I’d care to admit. Thanks to years of strong mentorship by women and men who had the courage to tell me the truth—whether I liked it or not—I am a women who can comfortably live in my own skin, and with others.
What are your thoughts on being open to hearing the truth about YOU?
Until next time, I’m Coach, Attorney, and Author Francine Ward helping you stay in touch with YOU!
Thank you for this wonderful and honest post Francine. It appears we’ve have lived parallel lives. While over the years I trained myself not to explode over criticism and appear to be listening, it wasn’t until I went to business school and gained a significant amount of confidence that I was able to really hear feedback.
It was reading so much material on other leaders and having the opportunity to speak in class with other students that I realized actually listening to honest thoughts on your behavior and performance was the key to better leadership. As being a top leader is a goal of mine, it was a very powerful way for me to gain insight.
Francine usually only those who love us have the courage to give us constructive feedback. They see that we can be more of our true selves; more of our gifts and strengths.